Interviewing a Beetroot
First boil it with your eyes
highlight some keywords in the resume: organic, pesticide,
Monsanto…
Ask about its strengths – if it says
I’ve always been fresh, look unimpressed.
A successful interviewer treats
all
beetroots
like fungi. Ask
its weaknesses – the answer doesn’t matter, only
the tone; a precision to match the trajectory of your pee
to its naphthalene home. You’ve seconds
to guess if the beetroot has any bones.
You’re the man, and real
men
don’t
fear
beetroots.
Assess if it’s overqualified
for poriyal, under qualified for Borscht.
Smile. Smile.
Always keeping in mind how a beetroot is
colored, a potato isn’t;
a beetroot will hemmorhage the pot, turn
it a commie red – so never offer
a beetroot a chance to be anything but a salad.
